Perfect Afternoon Tea

Anyone who says that they don't enjoy a good whinge every now and again is probably being a little bit of a fibber.

Since starting this blog I've eaten so many meals out - mostly afternoon tea.  It'd be pretty difficult to have that many afternoon teas without beginning to form a little checklist of things that turn an afternoon tea from being average to something very special.

Call me a snob but when it comes to afternoon tea I want a truly indulgent and luxurious affair full of tradition!  To me afternoon tea is all about feeling like a princess (or prince!) for the afternoon.

So with my tongue firmly in my cheek I give you my checklist of what makes THE perfect afternoon tea.  If you can find a place that adheres to all of these rules then you know you are on to something special:

1. The Scones

Scones are hard to get right and the best will always arrive at your table warm and wrapped in a cloth.  As soon as I see scones in a cloth I know I'm going to get something special.

2. The Cream

Squirty cream does not belong at an afternoon tea.  If I get given a pot of squirty cream it makes me want to run for the exit immediately.

3. Sugar

One thing that really turns me off is seeing packets of sugar.   No, no, no, no!  Packets don't belong on a proper afternoon tea.  Sugar is best presented in a bowl and preferably in cubes.
  

4. Portions and Presentation

Call me a sugar fiend but I want to roll out of my afternoon tea because I'm so full.  I don't want to leave feeling like I've not had enough food! 

Presentation is also key - a nice full stand of interesting colours is the way to go.  I do not want a beige cake stand.

5. The Cake Stand

I always appreciate when I'm told exactly what's on my cake stand - it's good to know what you're about to enjoy.  If my stand is dumped on my table at great speed it leaves me wondering exactly what the waiter is running away from!

6.  Bottomless Tea

I like to have plenty of tea to wash down my cakes, and places that limit you to one pot of tea really annoy me.  A traditional afternoon tea allows you to drink as many pots as you like.

7. Tea Leaves

If I wanted a tea bag I would have stayed at home with a box of PG Tips.  Afternoon Tea needs proper tea.  If I don't see a tea strainer on my table I'm immediately suspicious.

8. Plenty of room and comfort

Afternoon Tea comes with a lot of plates, food and cutlery that takes up a lot of table.  It's no good trying to fit everything onto a teeny surface, it just wont work.  I like to be able to move around the table with ease without knocking things over.   A lovely comfortable chair or sofa is always appreciated too!

9. Live music

Unfortunately this seems to be something you only find in the grandest of London hotels which is a shame because nothing beats the experience of having afternoon tea with some gorgeous musical accompaniment.  I like a bit of soft piano music, but have been lucky enough to have afternoon tea accompanied by a harpist before which was very special.

10. Napkins

If there's one thing that really annoys me it's my cake arriving on top of a napkin or doily.  WHY DO PLACES DO THIS?!  How is a soggy napkin useful to anyone and why would I want pieces of tissue stuck to the bottom of my cake?  It is probably my biggest cake related pet peeve.

I'd love to know what your requirements are for the perfect afternoon tea!